There it was again. The silence. It felt deafening. And excruciating. Feeling rejected and ignored by God, I grabbed my journal and headed for the river. My anguish came pouring out of my pen. I longed to hear God’s voice. Why was there only silence in response to my questions? Others seemed to hear His voice so often. I pictured the day when I would finally “arrive.” I would finally break through to that place of hearing God respond to my questions. I would finally hear God speaking to me every day the way others seemed to. It wasn’t that I’d never heard that internal audible voice of God. I had. Those moments just seemed few and far between.

That time at the river was many years ago now. Yet here I was, and nothing had changed. Then one day recently a dear friend invited me to take part in a 21day listening to God challenge. I took that challenge. I still had the same perception of what breakthrough would look like.

Each of the 21 days the presenter would give a question for participants to ask God. Each day, I’d write it in my journal and wait. Wait. Wait. Nothing. Just silence. I wanted to run. This was too painful. Rejection and feelings of being ignored washed over me until I would call it a day. “LORD, what am I missing?!? Your word says, “My sheep hear my voice.” I am one of your sheep, and You are my Shepherd. Why? Why the silence?”

I contemplated why I wanted to hear God’s voice so badly. What did it represent to me? Intimacy. Connection. Communication. Revelation. Guidance. Instruction. equipping for ministry. So many things.

I began to dig into the word to find out what “hear” meant in the Greek. It’s what we think of as acoustics. Sound. Sounds like hearing to me. I thought of that internal audible voice of God that I had heard, just not on a regular basis. Then I began to discover that the Bible talks about how believers “hear” the words of God when we listen to ministers of the gospel. An example of this is found in Luke 10:16: ““The one who hears you hears me...” Again, same root word. Acoustics, sound. I thought about the many times when my husband and I left church, in awe of how God gave us exactly what we needed in the message.

In my quest to understand, this is what God seemed give me an analogy. He seemed to be saying:

There are a number of ways that I speak to you. Each way has its own delivery system. Think of hearing My internal audible voice like you would the UPS truck. You ask Me a question, then in hopeful expectation you run to your front door. You swing it open, hoping to see the UPS truck drive up. When you don’t see it, you drop to the floor in a dejected slump. You allow rejection and feelings of abandonment to wash over you. You believe the lie that I don’t want to talk to you. You sit and compare your experience to theirs. You ask, “Why is the UPS truck always going to their house and not mine? They’re always getting letters! Their questions are barely out of their mouth when the UPS truck drives up to their house. Is there sin in my life? God, where are you?”

Then you notice something interesting. As you look around inside your house, you see a big duffel bag. It’s stuffed with letters from Me. Long letters. “How did these get here,” you ask. The UPS truck hasn’t been here in ages. Then you notice another duffel bag, stuffed with more letters. There are bags scattered all over your house. You ask, “How could I not have noticed these before?”

The LORD gently says, “I’ll tell you how. You run to the door, hoping once again to see the UPS truck. Instead, the US Postal Service truck pulls up. The driver strains under the weight of another duffel bag of letters. With angst in your voice, you wave him off, saying, “Just drop it anywhere,” your eyes never turning away from the road. “Where in the world is that UPS truck,” you say. Then another truck drives up. This time, its Fed Ex. “Ughhh! Where is that UPS truck? Why won’t God send me an answer?” You ignore the Fed Ex driver as he drops yet another bag of letters inside your front door.

Do you not see? I speak to you in many ways. Every morning when you open up My word, I speak many words to you. Personal words. Relevant and specific words for THAT day. I also speak to you through your Pastor. Time after time, when you heard him, you heard Me. Did you not notice how the sermons met you right where you were? What about the notebooks full of dreams that were from me. Those notebooks are full of revelation that I have for you. Remember that day that I sent someone to deliver a prophetic word to you? Remember how it contained the revelation that brought about your physical healing? That word wasn’t theirs. It was from Me. It was my telegram to you. You may not always hear from Me by way of the delivery system you’re hoping for or think you need. I am the One Who knows how you need to hear from Me. Let go of your preconceived ideas about how I speak to you. There is purpose in HOW I speak to you. When the enemy tries to convince you that I’m ignoring you, REMEMBER. I have given you copious amounts of revelation, connection, intimacy and guidance. You do not lack communication with Me. Relax and cherish all those letters I’ve already sent you.

“God…at various times and in various ways spoke…”