Unresolved wounding from parents impacts adults on a daily basis. Often the deepest hurts came from the very one that should have protected you the most…Mom.
While it would be helpful if we as parents would take the step to undo the damage that we caused, that doesn’t always happen, does it? Sometimes as parents we just don’t know how to go about it. Or maybe we are unaware that we have hurt our sons and daughters. Sometimes children interpret events that happened to them very differently than a parent does. Perhaps you’ve never told your parents how their actions made you feel. Some of you may have parents that know that they have hurt you but simply refuse to fix it. Maybe your mother has passed on now and the door to healing seems closed off to you.
Forgiveness seems to come so much easier when the other person takes responsibility for their actions, doesn’t it? While I would love to make that happen for you, I obviously can’t. What I would like to do now is give you the next best thing.
I want to ask you if you would be willing to allow me to stand in the place of your mom today; to represent her. To stand in the gap between you and your mom. If you are willing, I am asking you to hear and receive these words as if I were your mom, and allow healing in.
My, dear son, my dear daughter,
I want to tell you that you are precious to me. God sure knew what He was doing when He created you…exactly as you are. He made no mistakes when He designed you. The way you would look. Your emotional make-up. What you are good at, and even the things that you think are weaknesses in your life. You are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” When God gave you to me it was His heart that I would love you the way He does. With a love that sees that you are precious and honored. That you deserved to be treated that way. Not because of something you had done or would ever do, but simply because you were His amazing creation.
When I first held you in my arms, I wanted to be such a perfect mom to you. Try as I might, I just couldn’t be perfect. I know there were times that I let you down. Times I didn’t take the time to really listen. Sometimes I was caught up in my own concerns. I didn’t really hear that you needed me. I am SO sorry for that. If I could go back and change it, I would.
I wanted to protect you from the pain and fear I knew this world can hold. I tried. I really tried. In my human limitations, I realize that I fell short. I now realize that God is the ONLY One who is all-knowing and all-powerful enough to protect you the way you need it 24/7. Even when I tried to partner with God and protect you, I know I let you down sometimes. Sometimes I was the one you needed protecting from. I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?
As a mom, it was my job to teach you all the things you would need to know so that you would be prepared for the day you would go out into the world as an adult. I wanted you to be prepared and to be able not only to survive, but to thrive. While I made an effort, I realize that there were things I failed to teach you. I still have so much to learn myself. Sometimes I was off pursuing my own interests instead of teaching you what you would need to know. Things about who God is, things about who God says you are and how he had gifted you. How He wanted you to use those gifts to bless others.
Please forgive me for the time you needed comfort from me and I failed to give it to you. I am SO SORRY for leaving you alone to deal with your pain. That must have been so hard.
I know that there were times that you needed my support and encouragement and I just wasn’t there for you. Sometimes it was because I just felt pulled in so many directions. It just didn’t seem like there was enough of me to go around. Other times I have no excuse. I was just self-absorbed. There were times when I saw that there were problems going on in your life and I just didn’t know how to fix it. It was just so hard to watch you be in pain that I ran away. I felt so inadequate to meet your needs. I should have trusted God to help me give you what you needed. But I didn’t. I tried to carry your pain in my own strength, and it just wasn’t enough
I know that there were some areas of my life that I had not surrendered to God while raising you. Areas of sin in my life that made your life harder. Even embarrassed you. I am so sorry that I modeled those sinful ways to you. I should have been teaching you how a godly mother should act. I put you at a disadvantage spiritually through my sin. My sins made it that much more tempting for you to sin in the same areas. If there is one thing I want for you more than any other thing, it is that you would be spiritually healthy. That you would walk free from bondage to sin. It is a burden I do not wish to see you carry. My hope for you is that you would live free from the sins that weighed me down for far too long. Please forgive me for not surrendering my life more fully to God before you were ever born.
I want you to know how proud I am of you. I have so much respect for you! God has instilled SO MANY amazing qualities in you! So many giftings that have the power to bring so much good to a hurting world. I want you to know that I believe in you! In spite of the fact that I wasn’t the perfect parent at times, you did have a perfect parent watching over you. Your heavenly Father. I pray He will fill in the voids that were left there by me.”
While there were a lot of things I failed to do right, I hope that the Lord will help you to remember the times I got it right. The times I was there for you and loved, comforted and encouraged you. How hard I tried to get it right. I hope you will choose to have a grateful heart for all the ways your life was better because I was there. I love you more than you could ever know. Love Mom
If you have recognized through this letter that there are some things that you need to forgive your own mom for, I want to invite you to do just that. You will be so glad you did. Forgiveness allows the healing to begin…Let’s pray:
“Lord Jesus Christ,
I choose to forgive my mom for ______________________________________(list one offense at a time)
When she did that, it made me feel: (identify how this offense made you feel.)
I release my perceived right to seek justice for this offense. I choose to leave the need for justice in your hands. You are the only all-knowing judge who is able to truly judge justly. I give up any right to be angry about this any longer. Please heal the wound that this caused in my heart with your perfect love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
(Repeat process until all offenses by your mom have been addressed.)